To my mother-in-law

After having spent a long weekend with you and the kids I would like to clear up some apparent confusion:
1. Just because my 12 month old son, who started walking only weeks ago, as you put it "turns one foot outward" does not mean he needs special shoes or orthodics. He is a baby... and he just learned how to walk... by the way we already had this conversation when Emily was his age, and guess what... no physical therapy needed... hallelujah, it's a miracle.
2. Putting money in a college fund is not "like throwing money away, if they don't go to college" because my kids are going to college... end of subject. But, if it would make you feel better, when they turn 15 and want to dye their hair blue, I should just say go for it and hey what the hell why you're at it, why don't you just drop out now too... Hey it's all about what they want right?
3. We don't encourage overeating... so please don't cheer my kids on after every bite, and sit inches away from them the whole time they eat bribing them with all the goods things they can have after they finish their food. Seriously, encouraging overeating with overeating and a cherry on top...
And although this list could go on forever I thought I would just sum it up with this last one here...
4. Anytime someone compliments my children's looks or good behavior, intelligence, etc. This is not a direct compliment to you and your son. So please stop making these comparisons to when your son was a boy...last time I checked 50% of their genetics was mine too. And, No, this does not give you an excuse to blame the flaws on me...
Thank you,
The mother of your grandchildren

Oops, She did it again

A friend of mine is pregnant with her third child, and has recently been complaining to me that the reactions she has been getting from people when she tells them the news is quite shocking. Most people just naturally assume it was an accident because a.) her youngest is only 13 1/2 months old, and b.) three children is apparently an obscene number of children. When in actuality it was an extremely planned pregnancy. If you know this friend you know what I mean. My reaction was... I warned you. I have been dealing with this since the announcement of my 2nd pregnancy too. Now my situation has just gotten worse. Since Corbin has recently turned one I now have the unfortunate task of telling people that I have a one and a two year old, a.k.a. pulling a Britney, but I have to say in my defense my kids are 21 months apart and I'm country like that... just kidding on the second one there. So I only have to endure this for 3 months (every year for the rest of my life). But what I do have to endure is the constant speculation that my son was an accident. And I just want to say to everyone out there who may of ever wondered or is currently pondering asking this question to anyone. It's none of your business, and it's rude to ask... so don't. And by the way no he wasn't (a bit of suprise maybe, but not an accident). And in Britney's defense now that she has discoverd that you can apparently teach an 8 month old to drive, she might as well have another one in case K-Fed needs his own designated driver.

Words of wisdom

When Snack was leaving for work I told Emily, "Hurry, lets go tell Daddy, Bye and I love you and to be careful." So Emily runs to the door and yells out, "Bye Bye, I love you, Don't run in traffic!"

And don't you forget it!

So I was on my way to lunch with my daughter, who feels the need to know everything. She was busy asking me where are we going? who are we meeting? and what not. So I got to work answering all of her questions. I said "We are going to lunch to meet your Nana and Aunt Daphne." Emily responds "Dapne (as she pronounces it) is going to be there?" I say "Yes, AUNT Daphne is going to be there" Stressing the aunt to encourage her to use it, and then in one of my brilliant mommy moments the idea comes to me, Maybe if I explain to her why she is called Aunt Daphne she will remember to use it. So the rest of the conversation goes like this: "Mommy and Daphne are sisters, that makes Daphne your aunt." She responds, "No, Emily's a sister." I say, "Yes, that's right you are, and just like you are Corbin's sister, Mommy is Aunt Daphne sister." Then my child who is obviously frustrated by my stupidity responds in her I've told you once, don't make me tell you again voice, (which she has mastered by the way) "No, You're not a sister, You're a WIFE!" Wow, and don't you forget it.

SPAM: Seriously Perverted Anonymous Mail

OK, I have to bitch, (because I enjoy to and because this is bothering me) I have been receiving a lot of *Adult* junk e-mail lately, and some of it has started to leak over into my regular e-mail and apparently there is some confusion. So I would like to clear up this issue: I'M A GIRL! So, No I am not interested in makingmymanhood solongitdrags, nor do I have erectile dysfunction, and I don't care if you are a hornyhousewife who is lonely. So please Ms. Wendy Nobgobler please take me off your mailing list. And if anyone who is obviously more computer savvy then me has any clue how to stop this Please share it with me. Thanks.

My baby's a genius

My son, who is 12 1/2 months old, poopooed on the potty for the first time twice yesterday.. I know genius, I'm thinking it too. He also entertained himself for over a minute hitting his head on the wall. Hey I'm sure Einstein had his quirks too.

I love my kids, but...

I love my kids but why is it my two year old, who has been potty trained for months, only has an accident when I am shopping with her in an upscale boutique. AND not only does she have an accident, she holds her legs out as far as humanly possible, waddles over to me across the store, saying quite loudly, I peepeed, I peepeed.
And why does my daughter, who is really an overall good kid, choose to talk back to me when we are in public surrounded by people. Which leaves me with the dilemma: 1. Do I let people think I am raising a horrible disrespectful child, or 2. Discipline her in public and be THAT mom who is yelling at her kid, which in turn leads those overly opinionated people to nod quietly to themselves, "well no wonder the kid yells, listen to the mom"...
Oh and by the way I know what you are thinking... Discipline your kid who cares, or better yet.. Your kid talks back?!? and more importantly why are you shopping in an upscale boutique with a two year old?
Answers. I do, Yeah She's Two, and Last I had no idea it was upscale I thought it was a kids shoe store and put something on hold there through the phone.. Go ahead judge me... And just wait until you have yours

The whole truth, the actual truth and nothing BUTT the truth

So my in-laws were visiting one weekend and had spent the night at our house, early in the morning I got up as always with the kids and my dear sweet husband stayed asleep. I offered to make everyone pancakes and we sat down to eat. I went in and woke Snack up and said come eat breakfast, he said sure and rolled over. As we were almost finishing breakfast, I told Emily " Go wake up your daddy and tell him to get up!" She eagerly jumps down and takes off to wake up her daddy. She returns a few seconds later all by herself and crawls into her grandma's lap. Her grandma then casually replies, not really expecting an answer, "Your daddy was still asleep, wasn't he" (You should never ask a 2 year old a rhetorical question) Without missing a beat Emily responds, "No, He was wiping his butt" Got to love that honesty!